After an already impressive three full-length albums about beards, the world’s premier beard- related rock act The Beards are returning with a brand new album, fittingly titled The Beard Album (out May 9th via MGM). The upcoming record is the band’s fourth studio album in a career that now spans 8 years, boasts sold-out national and international tours, multiple viral film-clips, and a rapidly-expanding global fanbase.
The band are also about to head off on the most comprehensive Australian tour the band has ever embarked upon. Having built one of the country’s most dedicated (and hirsute) fanbases through years of relentless touring, The Beard Album: Australian Launch Tour will encompass almost every corner of the country the band has visited so far, as well as new territories and a first ever trip to New Zealand.
“We’ve convinced a lot of people to grow beards over the years,” claims vocalist Johann Beardraven. “Now, not only do we get to check how their beards are going, but with our new ultra-catchy beard-related tunes, we’re confident that we’ll be able to inspire a whole new level of beard-growing, right across the country.”
In celebration of the album, tour and beards in general, The Beards vocalist and beard wearer Johann Beardraven put together a list of 8 acts whose careers would be improved if they sported a beard.
Frank Beard
“The ZZ Top drummer with the excellent name is, inexplicably, the only member of the band without a beard. We don’t know what his excuse is, but seriously mate, grow a damn beard.”
Justin Bieber
“The young man clearly needs to repair his shattered image, and what better way to announce yourself as a mature artist and role model than growing a nice big beard? No better way, that’s what.”
Lady Gaga
“Her once-outrageous outfits seem like a bit of a yawn now, but stepping out with a long flowing beard should get the public’s attention again. Some decent songs wouldn’t go astray either.”
Ross Wilson
“Sure, he’s a legend of the Australian music scene, but this once impressively hirsute man hasn’t had a beard in years. He also hasn’t had a hit in years. Coincidence? We think not.”
Craig David
“The R&B man has dropped off the radar a bit in recent times, but we reckon that if he traded in that pencil-thin ‘beard’ for a proper bushy number he’d be instantly back in the spotlight. At the very least, he’d look great.”
Amy Winehouse
“We know it’s a bit late now, but we can’t help but wonder whether things would have turned out differently for her if she’d grown a beard. It would have suited her, too.”
Kanye West
“We’d actually like to suggest that he shave off his shitty goatee and remove himself from the bearded community altogether. We don’t need him. He’s a dickwit.”
The Beards
“The all-female 3-piece outfit from the US really need to get their act together. If you’re gonna use that name, you really need to grow beards. Trust us.”
The Beard Album Tour Dates
FRI 2 MAY KINGS ARMS – AUCKLAND, NZ
SAT 3 MAY BODEGA – WELLINGTON, NZ
THU 8 MAY STUDIO 6 – SUTHERLAND, NSW
FRI 9 MAY TATTERSALLS HOTEL – PENRITH, NSW
SAT 10 MAY COLLECTOR TAVERN – PARRAMATTA, NSW
WED 28 MAY THE PIER HOTEL – ESPERANCE, WA
THU 29 MAY THE WHITE STAR – ALBANY, WA
FRI 30 MAY SETTLER’S TAVERN – MARGARET RIVER, WA
SAT 31 MAY PRINCE OF WALES – BUNBURY, WA
SUN 1 JUN ASTOR THEATRE – PERTH, WA
THU 5 JUN MONA VALE HOTEL – MONA VALE, NSW
FRI 6 JUN WOLLONGONG UNI – WOLLONGONG, NSW
SAT 7 JUN THE ABBEY – CANBERRA, NSW
SUN 8 JUN CAPTAINS – BATEMANS BAY, NSW
WED 11 JUN CARRINGTON – KATOOMBA, NSW
THU 12 JUN THE RAILWAY CLUB – DARWIN, NT
FRI 13 JUN THE RAILWAY CLUB – DARWIN, NT
THU 26 JUN HARVEY ROAD – GLADSTONE, QLD
FRI 27 JUN THE LIONLEIGH – ROCKHAMPTON, QLD
SAT 28 JUN DALRYMPLE HOTEL – TOWNSVILLE, QLD
SUN 29 JUN THE JACK – CAIRNS, QLD
WED 2 JUL SPOTTED COW – TOOWOOMBA, QLD
THU 3 JUL SOUND LOUNGE – CURRUMBIN, QLD
FRI 4 JUL THE TIVOLI – BRISBANE, QLD
SAT 5 JUL SOL BAR – MAROOCHYRORE, QLD
SUN 6 JUL THE NORTHERN – BYRON BAY, NSW
THU 10 JUL ARMIDALE UNI – ARMIDALE, NSW
FRI 11 JUL THE FAMILY HOTEL – TAMWORTH, NSW
SAT 12 JUL PORT PANTHERS – PORT MACQUARIE, NSW
SUN 13 JUL HOEY MOEY – COFFS HARBOUR, NSW
WED 16 JUL KAROVA LOUNGE – BALLARAT, VIC
THU 17 JUL THE BARWON CLUB – GEELONG, VIC
FRI 18 JUL 170 RUSSELL – MELBOURNE, VIC
SAT 19 JUL THEATRE ROYAL – CASTLEMAINE, VIC
SUN 20 JUL SPIRIT BAR – TRARALGON, VIC
WED 23 JUL BAR ON THE HILL – NEWCASTLE, NSW
THU 24 JUL ENTRANCE LEAGUES – CENTRAL COAST, NSW
FRI 25 JUL FITZROY HOTEL – WINDSOR, NSW
SAT 26 JUL THE FACTORY THEATRE – SYDNEY, NSW
SAT 2 AUG THE GOV – ADELAIDE, SA
THU 7 AUG BRISBANE HOTEL – HOBART, TAS
FRI 8 AUG SPURS SALOON BAR – DEVONPORT, TAS
SAT 9 AUG ROYAL OAK HOTEL – LAUCESTON, TAS
For tickets vist www.thebeards.com.au
