The ARIA Awards will soon be upon us and we’re already beginning to feel the excitement. Naturally, that excitement is mixed with an equal amount of trepidation as we prepare ourselves for what’s sure to be a string of awkwardly ill-timed jokes, pseudo-political acceptance speeches, and countless opportunities for labels to flog their latest major investment.
Except, looking at the lineup, it seems this year’s awards might actually be the kind of high-class event that the Australian music industry deserves and has rather sadly not received in recent years. To find out if it’s as awesome as we think it’s gonna be, tune in to Channel Ten this Thursday, 26th November.
In the mean time, we’re gonna take you through some of the times where the ARIA Awards ceremony didn’t quite live up to its own status as the Aussie music industry’s night of nights.
Madison Avenue Get Thirsty
Madison Avenue were a little ahead of their time. While Australia was embracing the nu-metal invasion, they were busy making high-energy, dance floor-ready pop tunes. Had they stuck around, they would’ve fit right in with the likes of The Presets and Cut Copy… well, probably not.
Today, the duo are best remembered for their 1999 smash ‘Don’t Call Me Baby’ and this calamitous performance at the 2000 ARIAs, during which singer Cheyne Coates, sporting a diaper and apparently a little hoarse, requested a glass of water mid-performance. What happened afterwards? ARIA history.
And The Nominees Olay…
Look, we’re not chumps. We get that the ARIAs are like any other major music industry award. Everything from the nominees, to who’s serving the drinks is subject to the nefarious machinations of major labels and the winner is almost always the artist who shifted the most units in the last couple of quarters.
That said, just because your event has little to no integrity doesn’t mean it can’t still have a little class. We always thought that subliminal messaging was something you did to quit smoking or if you wanted to placate people in a totalitarian society, turns out you can do it to flog moisturiser in between nominee packages.
See the mind control 0:12s in.
Sophie Monk Bardot Presents An Award
If you don’t remember Bardot, that’s not surprising. They were an all-female pop group formed as part of the first season of Channel Seven’s Popstars (think Australian Idol but even worse).
The group is now best remembered as the launching pad for Sophie Monk and in this footage it’s clear that she was destined to be Bardot’s breakout star… well, star, period. The other thing that becomes evident in this clip is that the girls certainly weren’t selected for their comedy skills.
Silverchair Get Awkwardly Political
The 2006 Arias saw one of Ausralia’s favourite rockers Silverchair smash out a memorable cover of Midnight Oil’s hit ‘Don’t Wanna Be The One’. Frontman Daniel Johns obviously wanting to pay further respect to the Aussie icons finished up their performance by grabbing a spray paint can and “tagging” that Peter Garrett should be our Prime Minister.
Hindsight being 20/20 and all, maybe that wouldn’t have been the best idea after all, huh Daniel?
Angus & Julia Stone Pay Their Dues
Acceptance speeches, unless their particularly funny, are almost always the most painful part of any awards ceremony. That said, it can’t be easy to get up in front of your entire industry and do something you’ve had exactly eight minutes of practice at, and that’s if you’re a veteran.
In the case of Julia Stone, she felt “a bit disappointed because I did want to say things but it felt awkward and I couldn’t really hear myself”. So, what does an artist do in that situation? They thank their cat and dog. Yep.
Axle Whitehead Gets His Wang Out… Really
Yep, this is an actual thing that happened, and it happened at the ARIAs. Axle Whitehead was an Australian Idol contestant (no, not the one that shagged Paris Hilton, the one who hosted Video Hits, remember?), who, while he didn’t win, managed to parlay his popularity into a relatively successful television hosting career.
He managed to totally and spectacularly ruin that career by pulling out his penis at the 2006 awards and simulating masturbation on the ARIA trophy while presenting an award to Hilltop Hoods.
Angus Will Get Back To You
This will be the last Angus & Julia Stone one, we swear. We’ve gotta get Axle Whitehead’s peen out of our brain. Part of Angus & Julia Stone’s appeal was their chilled out, beach life style.
Angus seemed like that take-it-easy, living-in-my-van, there’s-nothing-you-can-find-in-a-book-that-I-can’t-learn-out-on-a-wave vagabond we all knew in high-school, who’d show up once a month to buy some weed and leave before third period. He proved that that’s exactly what he is at around the 1:25 mark in this clip.
And To Forget All That Pain, Here’s Sia Being Awesome
Australia’s shining singer-songwriting star Sia Furler has absolutely nailed 2014, having taken the world by storm with her killer record 1000 Forms Of Fear which lead to her being the highest paid Aussie musician of the year. It’s fair to say the world can’t get enough of her.
Sia has been famed for being rather “media shy”, however in 2010, the songstress commented on what she’d do with an Aria award, to which she hilariously responded, “that’s sharp! That’s gonna hurt when I put it up my bum later.”
If only they were all like you, Sia.
Jessica Mauboy Does A Ron Burgundy
We’re not going to rag on Jessica Mauboy for mispronouncing ‘debut’ or the name of Tame Impala’s debut album — which, for the record, is titled Innerspeaker, not Innerspeak, Jess — she was obviously nervous and just reading off the auto cue.
Besides, it really pales in comparison to the rest of the 2010 ARIA Awards ceremony, which many agree was fraught with slip-ups, gaffes, and awkward moments. So, without further ado…
Basically All Of The 2010 ARIA Awards
Everyone knows about Jess Mauboy’s ‘de-butt’, but what’s not as talked about (certainly not by Channel 10) is a frustrated Tim Rogers awkwardly asking co-presenter Kasey Chambers, “What are we doing here?” right on the stage.
There was also a cringe-worthy skit involving Modern Family’s Eric Stonestreet referencing his gay character, controversial MP mispronouncing ARIA (“Ararias”) and Powderfinger overheard on camera asking where they were supposed to be after walking a maze of inebriated VIPs.
