For those unfamiliar with popular web staple The Smoking Gun, it’s a favourite resource for tabloids and newspapers, providing a treasure trove of legal documents, mug shots, and most importantly, tour riders.
Many will remember The Smoking Gun as the outlet that first broke the news that claims author James Frey made in his alleged autobiography A Million Little Pieces were not as truthful as many, including Oprah, believed.
However, we know them best as the place that gave us hours of entertainment by leaking Foo Fighters’ incredible tour rider, which some of you will remember as the single most wonderful tour rider ever (it had word searches and everything).
Now, after years of being pestered incessantly by One Direction fans (they’re known for that sort of thing), The Smoking Gun have finally got their hands on the backstage rider of the world’s biggest boy band.
So, what do Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis, and that other one request for their backstage area? Well, as far as we can tell, it’s basically Richie Rich’s sleepover, best illustrated by the fact that they love KFC, but it must be served on China.
The rider starts with the basics, getting the group to the gig. If travel required a journey of “over 15 mins duration” then “a cooler with refreshments (water, soft drinks) should be provided”.
Once they’re at the arena, despite there being five band members, the group only required four dressing rooms, one of which “MUST allow smoking”, while another backstage room will be for “Personal Training”.
Each room must have a “pleasant ambience” with “wall-to-wall freshly cleaned and deodorized carpet” and they must have a “Green Room/Games Room/Private dining room”.
This must be fitted with a ping pong table, and a “Pinball Table Table” (whatever that is), and “one other games table/machine of your choice – Pool/Airhockey/Space Invaders etc.”
While the group are happy to feast on selections from “KFC, Chick-fil-A, and Steak ‘n Shake” for their supper, desserts must be homemade and offer choices like fruit tarts, cobblers, ice cream, and profiteroles.
However, while the dressing room requirements are funny in a sort of “rich kid left home alone for the weekend” way, it’s the rider’s security requirements that really bring the laughs.
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The rider briefs backstage security on the nature of One Direction fans in much the same way as a riot squad would be prepped before clamping down on a riot, advising that they are “known to be Extremely loud, Enthusiastic, [and] Excitable”.
However, it does state that the fans are “in a whole Compliant as long as they are given guidance”, despite having “a history of throwing objects, being extremely excited and in some instances bordering on hysteria and obsessive”.
As for their parents or guardians, these folks “can be Protective, Concerned, Pushy, Territorial, and Compliant,” according to security officials, so make sure you’re on your toes at all times.
A risk assessment report notes the fans’ “Initial Risk Rating” as “High”, adding that the group’s fans are “very young, excitable and inexperienced. Audience has been scored 9/10, 0 being sedate seated and non-moving and 10 being riotous and moshing”.
So the main takeaway from all of this is that One Direction fans rank just a notch under Slayer fans in terms of posing problems to security. Of course, 1D’s backstage rider pales in comparison to some of these.
