If you’re anything like us, there’s nothing you like more than being placed on hold. See what we did there? That was sarcasm. Of course you hate being placed on hold, everybody does. What makes it even worse is when the place you’re calling has some awful, obnoxious hold music on loop.
You know what we’re talking about. Just like us, you have that one awful section of “soothing” hold music stuck in your brain like a dagger, occupying the same space as ‘It’s A Small World After All’ and your morning alarm, where it will remain for ever.
But who has the absolute worst hold music in the country? If the professionals are to be believed, the Australian Tax Office has the best. As The Age reports, the ATO has had the same music for over three decades and even have a link on their website explaining where you can buy the track.
The same, unfortunately, cannot be said of Centrelink, who are notorious for having some of the longest hold times of any institution in Australia. The department recently came under fire after it was discovered that they failed to answer half their callers in 2013/14.
The National Audit showed Australians spent a combined total of 143 years on hold with Centrelink before they simply gave up and hung up. But a quick glance at social media could indicate that the number of hang-ups could have something to do with their atrocious hold music.
According to Music on Hold director Jenny Crosby, Centrelink’s issue is their choice of genre. As she told Fairfax, when choosing hold music for your business, classical isn’t the way to go. Sure, it sounds calming and classy, but it does nothing for your impatient callers.
According to Crosby, who described Centrelink’s hold music as “ghastly”, very modern and very classic tracks usually make for unsuccessful hold music. “You’re going to annoy a lot of people that call in. [Because] there’s too many variations in the sound,” she said.
“You’ll never have everybody love your hold music. But you want it to please most people most of the time,” she added. Ms Crosby said that tracks that are relaxing and have consistent sound levels are most popular among callers, while lifeless or loud tracks on loop are the most reviled.
Statistics show Centrelink clients typically abandon their calls after spending an average of 9 minutes and 16 seconds listening to classical music. However, not all government departments are losing callers to uninspiring hold music.
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Callers apparently love the Australian Tax Office’s song, titled ‘Seaspray’, which the department bought from Music On Hold about 30 years ago. Ms Crosby said that the tune remains the company’s most popular title among companies who want to avoid paying hefty fees to use commercial music.
While you may think that hold music doesn’t really make a difference to a caller’s experience — after all, if you’re hearing the music it means no one’s answered your call yet — studies have shown that music reduces the negative effects of waiting.
A caller’s perception of how long they have been on hold is shortened with the right music. Take note ANZ, who’ve received complaints about their hold music, a track titled ‘Barcelona Nights’ by Ottmar Liebert, which callers have compared to something you’d hear at a tacky salsa club.
Telstra’s attempt to feature neutral music on their hold line has also been criticised, mostly for their choice to use jarring and uncomfortably upbeat tracks. However, Ms Crosby said that bad hold music is better than no music at all – callers simply won’t wait on a silent phone for fear their call has been cut off.
