It’s a truth universally acknowledged that anyone saying absolutely anything on the internet, whether incendiary or totally innocuous, is in store for some seriously harsh words from anybody who happens to disagree with them even slightly.
That’s why we reckon Gawker were just engineering controversy when they recently ran an op-ed by Kelly Conaby, who argued that concerts end way too late and she would like to see all gigs end at the “correct time” of 11pm.
“Here is the correct time for a concert to end: 11 P.M.,” Conaby writes, in an editorial which has the internet in uproar. “It’s fun to see a band play. It’s like listening to recorded music except louder and less convenient and more expensive, or some way to describe it that sounds appealing.”
“Sometimes the band will have funny banter. You can dance. Sometimes you will get ‘friend points’ for going to see your friend’s band and later when you need a favor you can subtly remind your friend that you went to see her play that one time.”
However, Conaby reckons there’s just one caveat to the fun but inconvenient and more expensive act of heading to see a band play live. As far as she’s concerned, it’s all good “unless the concert goes past 11 P.M.”
“11 P.M. is still late—don’t be fooled,” she insists. “But the thing about 11 P.M. is also that it is not too late. When a concert ends at 11 P.M., you get home at a reasonable hour. You’re able to enjoy more than enough time in front of a band playing music, and then you’re able to go to sleep to rest your body for tomorrow.”
“Or, if you want, you’re able to go somewhere and do something else. Grab a drink at a bar? Sure, it’s only 11 P.M after all. Take a leisurely stroll home with your date and enjoy the cool night air? Man, you’ve got to enjoy life and it’s only 11 P.M.—sure, let’s do it.”
“Best of all, when a concert ends at 11 P.M., you aren’t left standing in a crowd of sweaty jerks thinking, ‘Ahh, god damnit, when will this be over?’ You aren’t standing there like an idiot thinking, ‘The G is going to take so long to come, I’m never getting home at this rate!'”
It’s pretty expert shit-stirring. That is, general trolling which a little kernel of truth to it. There’s also no doubt plenty of otherwise happy punters out there who happen to agree with Conaby – live music is great, but let’s keep it so that we don’t miss the last train.
“Ending a concert after 11 P.M. is excessive,” Conaby continues. “Ending a concert after 11 P.M. willfully ignores the fact that we have lives to live outside of this experience: Jobs to attend tomorrow morning, people to talk to instead of stand silently near, beer to not drink instead of drink.”
“It ignores the fact that we have all have human bodies and have been standing here for quite some time. Concerts are a young person’s game, it’s true.” Well, if you’re a young person, Conaby says, you should be in bed, unless it’s a special occasion, of course.
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“But I’m a young person,” you might be thinking. “What about me?” Well then, young person, you should be in bed, probably earlier than 11 P.M., but because it is a special occasion you may stay up past your bed time. You may stay up until however long it takes you to get straight home after the concert ends at 11 P.M.
You can read Conaby’s post in its entirety here. Suffice it to say, the reaction to it was mixed. At the time of writing, the post has received over 500 comments, with many self-described “old” people (you know, those of us 25 and up) rejecting Conaby’s thesis.
However, despite comments like, “This is the least rock-and-roll post I have ever read”, there were many positive reactions, with self-described music fans admitting they could use an early mark at most of the shows they go to.
So what do you think? Does Conaby have a point? Should we enforce an 11pm lockout law on all concerts around the nation or should us old farts just go home when we feel like it and leave you young kids to party the night away?
