The Pope Is Dope

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The Pope Is Dope

Sometimes you just can’t make things up. So when we came across this list from the Vatican’s official newspaper L’Osservatore Romano which was released on the weekend Tone Deaf couldn’t help but laugh. Ok, we were rolling around in tears of laughter, because some of the selections seem so contradictory to Vatican ideals that you literally couldn’t have made it up. So here they are, with a few comments from us…

The Vatican’s Top 10 Rock Albums

1. Revolver by the Beatles
Errr, didn’t John Lennon once say that The Beatles were more popular than Jesus? Wasn’t this album made under the influence of enough acid and dope to kill a horse?

2. If I could Only Remember My Name by David Crosby
There was a particular reason David Crosby couldn’t remember his name – the CSNY front man was completely out of it for most of the 70s and 80s, practically living on cocaine and booze alone. Oh and then he donated his sperm to Melissa Etheridge and her partner to use in a turkey baster, possibly in contravention of Vatican teaching.

3. The Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd
This is one of the biggest selling albums of all time – possibly because million of people worldwide have gotten stoned or tripped out to it.

4. Rumours by Fleetwood Mac
Alrighty, so an album comprised of songs about John & Christine McVie and Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham cheating on each other, while snorting half of Colombia’s export crop of marching powder must be truly blessed.

5. The Nightfly by Donald Fagen
Nothing wrong with a lot of Steely Dan’s output, but this solo album by Fagen is offensive self indulgence, breaking the 11th Commandment – thou shalt not put out the aural equivalent of wanking on a record.

6. Thriller by Michael Jackson
Okay, so this track is about the Devil – pretty edgy stuff there Vatican. However, do you not think it a bit of a PR fail to include him? Whacko Jacko had a fondness for young boys…somewhat like Catholic priests.

7. Graceland by Paul Simon
Possibly the most appropriate listing here – we can get all touch feely and have people of all colours looking happy and dancing away like the clip.

8. Achtung Baby by U2
Interesting choice – this is the only U2 album where Bono stopped pretending to be Jesus and became a devil named Macphisto. Some would just argue that this is the Pope’s warning that U2 are the devil incarnate.
9. (What’s the story) Morning Glory by Oasis
Ahem, this song is littered with references to cocaine and boozing – being chained to the mirror and the razor blade has nothing to do with church altars.

10. Supernatural by Carlos Santana
Ahhhh, an album full of odes to shagging, Latin American style. It’s doubtful that these songs were inspired by baby making in wedlock as proscribed by the Vatican.

There’s one massive flaw in this list – where is a plug for Australia’s favourite space rock band, The Church? If we didn’t know that a lot of their output was drug inspired, we’d think that song and album titles like Reptile, Under The Milky Way, Hologram of Baal and Priest = Aura sound suitably biblical to Tone Deaf.

Watch 1500+ inmates in the Philippines perform ‘Thriller’ by Michael Jackson:

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