Van Halen Inspired Student Suspended For ‘Hot For Teacher’ Essay

When Van Halen were thinking of making headlines with their comeback we’re not quite sure this is exactly what they had in mind.

Straight from the ‘what was he thinking’ pile comes a story out of Oakland University of a student who has been suspended for three semesters and barred from the campus after writing about how he had the hots for his teacher in his creative writing class.

According to The Oakland Press, 56-year-old Joseph Corlett caught the ire of University officials after he handed in an assignment titled after and inspired by Van Halen’s classic single ‘Hot For Teacher’.

In the assignment he describes his creative writing teacher as “my Ginger” after the character from Gilligan’s Island, and also wrote about how tough it is to be a guy because the male mind is clogged by sex.

The teacher reported Corlett and his case went before an official hearing where he was found not guilty of sexual harassment but was found guilty of intimidating behaviour. He will be arrested if he enters the campus and must seek psychological counselling if he wants to re-enrol in the future.

Oakland University’s Assistant Director of Media Relations David Groves has refused to comment to the media saying “Because this is a student conduct matter, the university has no comment at this time. If at some later date we choose to issue a statement, I will be sure to let you know.”

But Corlett is unrepentant and plans to appeal the University’s decision. “The vice president has the authority to undo this decision. She can throw this decision out if she decides to,” he said. “If the vice president continues to throw me out, my lawyer and I are going to prepare a very serious lawsuit.”

“I never experienced an interest in having sex with her [his teacher],” he continued. “Never. I said she’s attractive, but I see a lot of women who are attractive. That doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them,” he said. “Guys have died on the battlefield so I can write naughty things in my English paper.”

According to the teacher’s supervisor, Corlett “never once addressed the course readings but instead used it as a platform to sexualize the instructor, describe his sexual relationship (or lack thereof) with his wife, write about a student in the course, and compose a fake letter from the course instructor to himself in which he admits that his entries are inappropriate and would be met with a visit to the Dean of Students.”

Yeah, that’s not weird at all. Corlett and his lawyer are currently preparing for a long legal fight and he believes it is his obligation as an American citizen to pursue the matter for anyone who sacrificed their lives for the First Amendment (part of the American constitution that forbids Congress from passing any law that would inhibit free speech).

But even David Lee Roth, the singer who made the song famous alongside his bandmates in Van Halen is now admitting that his days of lusting after teachers may be over. “OK, ‘Hot for Teacher,’ I get it,” he said recently in an interview. “But it’s not what gets my flag all the way to the top of the pole.”

Looks like you’re on your own Corlett. If you’re feeling ‘inspired’ don’t put it down on paper, we’ve done it for you with our slideshows of the Hottest Daughters of Rock N Roll Part 1 and Part 2. And for the ladies (and some men we’re sure) out there check out our slideshow of the Most Eligible Songs of Rock N Roll.